The Candle of Life

The Candle of Life

Bibliographic Information

Author: Nekounam, Mohammad Reza, b. 1948
Title: The Candle of Life / Mohammad Reza Nekounam
Publication Details: Eslamshahr: Sobhe Farda Publishing, 2014
Physical Description: 48 pages
ISBN: 978-600-7347-32-4
Cataloguing Status: FIPA (Cataloguing-in-Publication)
Subject: Nekounam, Mohammad Reza, 1948 – — Memoirs
Subject: Mujtahids and Scholars — Iran — Memoirs
Congress Classification: BP55/3 /N8A3 2014
Dewey Classification: 297.998
National Bibliography Number: 3504608

Preface

The writings in this book are passionate memoirs of the formative days of life, revolving around a radiant candle, with warm tears flowing down a cheek imbued with tenderness. These candle writings, whose price is a fraction of a mortal lifespan, express a thought rooted in profound knowledge. This thought is creatively expansive, rejecting narrow perspectives. Its essence lies in concealment and discretion. These memoirs recount the author’s poignant longings and elucidate the wisdom of his withdrawal and social retreat during the 1970s and 1980s.

These candle writings are not mere reflections but embody true knowledge and speak of a companion; a companion that is ubiquitous, irreverent, and takes any guise in any alley or street. Such a heart belongs only to the foremost and regards solely God and divine unity, free from “prejudice” or “possession.”

It is hoped that this book will bring solace and joy to the reader’s spirit.

Praise be to the True God.

Candle 1: Only God

I was less than three years old. Playing in the courtyard with ants, suddenly one bit my hand instead of a grain. The sting was so intense that I let out a piercing cry from the depths of my heart. That cry seemed so immense that it could not be contained within my mind. Even now, that sound echoes in my ears and is eternally recorded in the cosmos. My mother was washing clothes by the pool when she suddenly rose hastily and looked at me. I shall never forget that moment! So ashamed was I of my sudden outcry and my mother’s fear that I lowered my head. To escape her penetrating gaze, I stared at the ground, but it was impossible to evade my mother’s inquisitive eyes.

I do not know what had happened. Perhaps the hand of the Divine had intervened, pleading on my behalf.

The next day, I went with my father to a mosque near our home. My father prayed in a corner while I watched a bee struggling to escape through a glass door. I opened the door and pointed my finger to show it the way out. As I touched it, I withdrew my hand abruptly and cried out in pain. My father, hastening through his prayer, finished quickly and came to me. Tears streamed down my cheeks; he took my hand and, upon seeing the bee’s sting, showed little concern. He wiped my tears and said: “It’s nothing.” Together we returned home. After that night, my memory fades. When I awoke, I felt as if newly born, lying on a soft surface. To my left, a nail was hammered into the wall, from which a tent was suspended. By the tent, I rested on a thick cushion.

Gradually, a voice drew my attention — the neighbour lady speaking to my mother, asking, “How is the child?” My mother replied, “He has been unconscious for three days and his whole body is blackened. I do not know if it is measles or another illness.”

They spoke quietly so as not to wake me. Oh my God! How harrowing it was! I had paid dearly for that finger and touch. Who had set such a narrow and winding path before me? Whenever I sought entry into a new group, whether animals or humans, someone from that group would reject me. Little did I know, those rejections brought me closer to divine unity. The stronger the exclusion, the nearer it brought me to God. Often I was alone for months, aware that God existed.

Now, having passed that passage, the ever-recurring gates of life and death reveal themselves to me. Some days, my heart beats wildly as though dying, then recovers hope; other days it seems to die and revive repeatedly. My fate appears to be nothing but death after life and life after death.

All my limbs bear this affliction. It seems this affliction will stay with me forever, with no pause or end. If I do not want to die, what should I do? And if I die and do not return to life, to whom should I appeal? I fear that even in the Hereafter, this world will not release me. If it does not release me, what shall I do? Where shall I go? Is it possible for all the world to forget me and erase me from the universe’s page? If so, what would happen? Can a human annihilate himself so that no trace remains in this world or the next?

It seems the more we are led toward death, the more alive we become; but this killing must be in accordance with religious law and carried out with wisdom, for there is self-destruction that is annihilation, like smoke vanishing into air—a death leaving no trace.

My life is filled with such deaths and revivals. So much so, I grieved deeply for a beloved whom I never saw, as if a part of my heart was being torn away. When preparations were made for his final reckoning, my whole body tightened until my spirit left my flesh.

The first time this feeling arose and grew in me was upon my own death, then the death of friends, and finally it encompassed all existence—without my participation in its creation or growth.

Other days when I used to go out with my cousin, as always, he would advise me and say: “The world is necessary for life; so why do you turn your back on it so much?!” He would always offer his counsel, and I, as usual, would not listen. Until one day, when we were going to the gym to do weightlifting, we arrived at Sabz Square. I saw an addict lying in a filthy gutter, his clothes stained with mud, intoxicated and listless, his head bowed. I said to my cousin: “Ahmadjan, I must either succeed and become godly, or become a wretched addict like this one; I know no middle ground.” This remark was like pouring water on fire — it silenced him, and he said no more. To this day, I hold the same view: either God or nothing. Whenever I have been the latter, things have gone wrong.

The “Sixth Candle”: The Occult Sciences

The sciences I speak of — such as the knowledge of interpretation, divination, exegesis, and the like — came to me freely, without my having exerted effort, and I share them gratuitously with some others. You will not find a single phrase or sentence from these teachings elsewhere. These sciences are emanations from the Holy Qur’an that are often underestimated. Our domain in these Qur’anic sciences is barren. But do you know why I write about these sciences? I tell you in supplication:

My Lord said: “And those who strive in Us, We will surely guide them to Our ways” (Surah Al-Ankabut, 29:69).
I asked: “What is striving?”
You replied: “Indeed, those who have believed and emigrated and fought with their wealth and lives in the cause of Allah” (Surah Al-Anfal, 8:72).
I asked: “What is the cause of Allah?”
You said: “The right of the orphan, the poor, the destitute, the captive, the wayfarer, and those stranded.”

I gave away my possessions one by one, but You said it was insufficient; so first I gave my foot, then my other limbs. You said it was still not enough! I gave my house, then my wife and children. You said no, still insufficient! I gave my parents, clan and tribe. Yet You said still insufficient! I asked what else I might give. You said: “Give what you do not have!” I did so, even borrowing to give to You. I worked and gave to You. I begged and gave to You. Yet You said it was insufficient! I found nothing more in the world to give, and yet You looked into my heart, which meant You cared. I gave my heart, too, so that You might be pleased. Now, I have no heart left; You break it as You please, and I say it is Yours — break it as much as You will!

If I write these things and speak as if addressing someone, it is You to whom I speak. Otherwise, I do not wish to write, and whatever You bring upon me, I remain what I am: poor, orphaned, destitute and alone. You have done what You will. Long live whatever will be! If I once said I am Your servant, now I say no more. If I said I was bankrupt, I say no more, for Your manifest and beautiful face, O Lord of the Worlds, is beyond reach!

The “Seventh Candle”: The Wisdom of Seclusion

I have strived much to promote the religion but have not succeeded, hence I have become isolated. For a time, I spoke in various circles, but because my words were frank, people said: “We cannot endure; our souls cannot stand; all our plans are disrupted.” I asked them how they knew my words were effective. They replied: “The heart testifies so.”

Although I always strive not to offend anyone, problems sometimes arise. For example, once in a military environment, I held talks and training sessions attended by many who were obliged to come. I told the official responsible that attendance was voluntary. I myself said in the first speech that your other duties are beyond my control, but I had come from Qom to speak freely, outside the authority of the place. You are free to attend, and no one is responsible for your attendance.

They would sit for over an hour and listen to good words, and I had Q&A sessions. Yet some became worried about our independence and their acceptance because I sought to express freedom while they did not.

I told them: “Ask whatever you like. If you have objections about religion, God, Islam, or the revolution, ask freely. When you come to this speech, you are free.” Sometimes my talks contradicted some opinions about social justice, but I spoke about universal guardianship, which is higher than social justice. Those who heard this could hardly bear it. I told them to accept these words and merely acknowledge their goodness.

Wherever I went, the system was disrupted. Sometimes this upheaval eliminated a problem or established a new order. For calm, I withdrew from such issues. When tolerance is absent, retreat is necessary.

My isolation is not due to lack of effort but because others are unready. The only viable path is to train competent and aware students. Even if, hypothetically, I were appointed head of the seminary, I would still cause problems because initially, criticisms target senior scholars, not young students.

Hence, scientific examinations must start from the top, not from the students. In all fields, work must be properly established from above, not from below. Some great scholars — or rather celebrities — who have not been tested but have grown in unusual conditions cannot assume authority. This must be done rightly. With this, the seminary gains centrality and disagreements begin. People have not yet tasted the first revolution and face a greater transformation, which, although beneficial, will not succeed unless the people want it. From students to non-students, when general interest is in the world, spirituality cannot be planted in their hearts or bring about transformation.

(36)

He is pitiable.

If asked: “What is the best lesson?” I say: the lesson of love, although few students attend it.

If asked: “What is the worst lesson?” I reply: the lesson that consists solely of talk, and more talk.

If asked: “What would you have done if you were influential?” I would respond: I would do nothing, just as others who were influential have done nothing, despite their many claims and assertions. The state of the world today bears witness to this.

If you say: many things have happened in the world, I respond: place the lifespan of the world and the capital of existence alongside this creature, and then you will see what the outcome is.

If asked: “What is the goal?” I say: for many it is the stomach and lust, and for many others it is the desires that reside in the upper part of the body. For another group, the goal is something else, which few pursue.

If asked: “Where do these other things occupy in a person, and where in the body are they located?”

(37)

I say: those other things do not occupy any place in the body. It is the body that seeks to reach those places because these matters are not about place or location. They are independent of any physical substrate. They dwell without a body and travel without a body across lands — of course, for those who possess such status and capability.

If asked: “What would you like to become?” I say: nothing; because whatever I wished to become, I have become. It is enough that I free myself from the clutches of worldly wolves.

If asked: “What have you become?” I say: I have become myself, not others. Many claim that they are themselves out of fear or greed, but they know they are not and have handed over their selfhood to others and to other things.

If asked: “What is fear?” I say: ask those who know it.

If asked: “Who is brave?” I say: I am sorry!

If asked: “Who are you?” I say: I am me, just as you are you; though perhaps you are not you, I remain me regardless.

(38)

If asked: “What is the future?” I say: it does not exist.

If asked: “What is the past?” I say: the past is what has already passed.

If asked: “Then what is the present?” I say: it is the same as the future and the past.

If asked: “What flower is beautiful?” I say: the flower that does not boast over the thorn.

If asked: “What is the thorn?” I say: the thorn is itself a flower, whose gardener is the Almighty.

If asked: “What is the Almighty?” I say: what is not?

If asked: “Does God exist or not?” I say: no one is without God; although none of these gods are God, and are less than the non-God.

If asked: “Where do beings go after this world?” I say: they go towards their true selves, and this journey continues eternally, without pause or stagnation, despite being in the form of eternity.

If asked: “What is justice and where is it?” I say: if you understood where it is, you would understand what it is; and if you understood what it is, you would know that it is not among us. People of the world are only pleased and joyful with its name, though they are not completely unfamiliar with justice in relativity.

(39)

If asked: “What things exist, which ones would be good to exist, which things do not exist, and which would be good not to exist?” I say: one should not tamper with the composition of the world. As it is, it is good; though not perfect. For every time one tampers with the world’s composition, the destruction increases. It is like stirring a stew less to let it settle well. The reason is this: those who have meddled with any part of the world, from the beginning until today, except for a few, have failed and even ruined the existing conditions. As the saying goes: “They came to fix her eyebrow and blinded her eye,” and “They tried to revive her, but made her more dead, and whenever she dried up, they further spoiled her with their breath.”

If asked: “What is faith?” I say: something rare, although much noise and talk is made about it.

(40)

If asked: “What is mysticism?” I say: a burnt heart that died and out of fear did not breathe.

If asked: “What is freedom?” I say: ask the cage; even animals have learned this meaning from the cage.

If asked: “What is the law?” I say: it is a word with five letters, four dots, and only one alif. If asked: “What about its waw and noon?” I say: its waw is the first letter according to grammar, and its noon is indeed the noon that is pronounced ‘naan’ (bread)!

If asked: “Which sword is sharper?” I say: speech.

If asked: “What are the most worthless things?” Again, I say: speech.

If asked: “What should a person do in the world?” I say: they must see what others do to them. They alone are not in control.

If asked: “What softens a person?” I say: love, if it is found. Love softens and warms every being without its own desire, even if the love is not pure and mingled with various motives.

(41)

If asked: “Who is Adam?” I say: I have not seen.

If asked: “Who are these people?” I say: ask themselves!

If asked: “Who are the best people?” I say: those who are not fanatical, think freely, and do not clutch friendship in the grip of oppression and conflict.

Candle 13 — Classmate

When I accompany someone with whom I have no occupational affinity, I inquire about their profession, engage them in conversation, and promptly create a learning class for myself, using them as a teacher so that neither my time is wasted nor do we sit as two sullen strangers. More importantly, I learn something.

Candle 14 — Method of Propagation

In a city where I went to preach, a tough and sometimes wine-drinking thug became my staunch follower. Wherever I went, he followed but kept his distance. He said: “I am a bad person and you are very good. If I come close to you, people will distrust you, and that is not good.” I insisted that he always accompany me, for his badness did not affect me, but instead attracted other bigwigs to attend these gatherings. He became so devoted that he said: “Sir, I will scribble on anyone you name.” One day he said: “Sir, I want to bring you the best gift I have.” I said one should never reject anyone who wishes to give their best. When he brought it, I was surprised. I named each of the wines he had to show that I appreciated his gift. As I did so, his joy grew so much that he kissed me, overcome with excitement. Then I said: wine destroys human intellect and God has forbidden it. It is true that some who want to be good at using knives drink a little wine, but wine prevents clear thinking; therefore I do not drink, because I need my intellect. Hearing this, he was deeply moved. He broke his gift and did not touch wine while I was there, reconsidering his ways and repenting.