Women: The Paradise of Beauty and Education

Women: The Paradise of Beauty and Education
(Qudsa Allah Nafsahu al-Zakiyah)

Ayatollah Mohammadreza Nekounam

Title: Women: The Paradise of Beauty and Education / Mohammadreza Nekounam
Publisher: Sobhe Farda, Islamshahr, 2014
Pages: 87, Size: 21.5 x 14.5 cm
ISBN: 978-600-6435-600-978
National Bibliography No.: 2945780

Foreword

The most astonishing, wondrous, and beautiful creation of God is woman. It is women who, through various efforts and actions, sometimes make men blind and deaf, place themselves as substitutes for their will, and motivate them according to their desires. If one truly understands women and knows their psychological traits, can they ever have complete trust in them? In this book, we aim to freely discuss some of the issues about women mentioned in the verses of the Quran and also in the narrations, while offering a philosophical view of the feminine essence of women, discussing their psychoanalysis to ensure a more profound understanding of these texts.

Islam, with its true realism and clear boundaries, has clarified the individual and social position of women, presenting its view on women based on genuine wisdom. Islam has expressed the position of women in all areas without exaggeration, manipulation, or degradation of their character. By reading this book, the reader will easily and precisely come to understand that Islam, in its portrayal of women’s rights, has remained truthful and uncompromised, ensuring their rights are fully met. This understanding, however, is not easy for everyone; it requires careful attention and a complete awareness of all necessary aspects to uncover the truths and realize that Islam offers the most superior and complete views on women.

It should be emphasized that while men and women are indeed of the same human nature, they differ greatly in qualities, and there should not be an equalized perception of them. Even though men and women are human beings, they should not be regarded in the same way. They have different psychological and physical structures, and this unbalance exists across various aspects of life, whether at their father’s home, their husband’s house, or in society.

Patriarchy has caused numerous problems for women at home. Today, numerous other issues in society have been created for women, especially through political games and social relationships. Despite Islam providing the best solutions for the health of society, various preferences from different groups have made the Islamic stance become involved in some form of distortion, sometimes leading to weak narrations overshadowing its clarity.

There is no argument that women, like men, are human beings. However, they are not identical in every regard; each has its own specific characteristics. Supporting one side or advocating for patriarchy does not solve the problem. Such attitudes are driven by individual interests or personal ethical attributes. Women and men, although they are human beings, need one another for their complete development and growth.

In this book, we will also see how men, through the various challenges they face in society, become highly vulnerable, while women, if they are pure and virtuous, are the only force capable of alleviating these problems. Conversely, if women are impure or disloyal, they can use these issues as a pretext to bring about the destruction or downfall of men.

Furthermore, this book highlights that women are fascinating beings whose understanding is not easy. With their delicate yet strong nature, they can defeat even the strongest of men and cause them to stumble. If Amir al-Mu’minin (Ali) has spoken of women’s weakness of faith, it is a truth, and understanding it is not difficult for those who have not lost touch with their natural sense. Women possess an ability to easily reconcile with various moods in their hearts and move on, but when they are caught up in whims, controlling such tendencies requires a strenuous spiritual battle.

In marital life, some individuals view the woman solely as an object for material and sexual use, ignoring her spiritual, physical, and emotional needs. For them, emotional connection, conversation, and other forms of bonding, aside from sexual relations and intimacy, are insignificant. They do not care about her health or well-being. If she becomes ill or mentally unstable, they remain indifferent, only focused on their own pleasure, regardless of the damage it may cause to the woman. This attitude is one of selfishness and lust, not genuine marital companionship and care for the wife.

Given the intense emotions of a woman, she can be likened to a sunflower, which turns toward whichever direction her affection or understanding pulls her. For instance, if a man comments that the woman has not prepared an adequate meal, she may respond by asking for specific ingredients to make it better. If, over time, the husband expresses that he prefers to eat less or none at all to stay light, the woman might also adapt to this change. If, on the other hand, the husband shows disinterest in the food she has prepared, she might lose motivation to cook. This is because a woman’s emotional drive is often dependent on the encouragement and affection from her husband. She strives to please him and demonstrate her worth. However, when her husband neglects her, her motivation wanes, and if his attention shifts elsewhere, those aspects of her personality may not develop.

Thus, it is not the woman who hinders her husband’s education or career, but rather it is the man who, through his behavior and attitude, determines the course of their shared life. Women are a source of emotion and affection and are susceptible to manipulation when these affections are used for ulterior motives. Sociology and psychology both discuss the role of affection, but some people exploit this divine gift for selfish purposes, manipulating it to fulfill fleeting desires. These individuals often justify their actions by questioning whether affection itself can be sinful, thus distracting others and manipulating them to achieve their goals. The superficial nature of their argument makes it difficult for anyone to contradict them, as the surface seems true and rooted in social and psychological realities.

To address this claim, it is important to assert that love is not sinful, but the love that a young person cultivates may either be genuine or may represent an exploitation of their emotions. If it is the latter, it is a misuse of affection. Islamic tradition encourages social gatherings during weddings to ensure that the love between a man and woman remains pure and unexploited. Those who engage in manipulative, instrumental affection are warned that the natural order will hold them accountable, and they will ultimately face consequences for their actions.

A woman, driven by intense emotions, is unable to show kindness to her enemy, unlike a man, who can act generously and nobly, as generosity in men stems from their broader sense of self. Women’s acts of kindness are rooted in their emotions and affection, and their capacity for magnanimity is thus limited. For instance, a woman’s charitable acts are usually directed toward people she feels an emotional connection with, such as her children or close family members. She may not show kindness to someone with whom she has a strained relationship, such as a husband with whom she is in conflict. Men, on the other hand, may be more capable of acting out of nobility even toward those they consider adversaries.

The reason why, in Islamic law, the testimony of a woman is sometimes treated differently from that of a man is due to the fact that women are more emotionally driven, and emotional responses may interfere with objective judgment. This is why, in certain legal matters, women’s testimonies are not accepted, to protect them from emotional burdens and ensure fairness.

While men are legally granted the right to initiate divorce, this reflects their typically more rational and foresighted nature, unlike women, who, due to their emotional inclinations, may not always think through the long-term consequences of their actions.

In relation to women’s tendency toward emotional impulses, Islam places significant emphasis on their modesty and self-control, particularly in their interactions with men. The impact of initial glances and prolonged gazes is substantial, and such exposure can lead to moral and emotional degradation if not carefully controlled. Therefore, Islam has set boundaries for interactions between men and women, promoting the idea of preserving moral integrity by avoiding situations that may trigger such emotional impulses.

In everyday life, the best way to safeguard a woman’s emotional well-being is to limit situations where she may be exposed to temptation or harmful environments. For this reason, proper and respectful boundaries must be established in familial, social, and professional settings to protect women from emotional exploitation or undue influence.

Moreover, Islamic teachings encourage modest and dignified dress, which allows women to participate in society while maintaining their integrity. However, in many cultures, there is a tendency to excessively restrict women’s appearance, which can result in further societal and psychological issues. The solution lies not in rigid or overbearing constraints but in a balanced approach that nurtures both spiritual and social well-being.

Ultimately, the proper balance between freedom and modesty in interactions between men and women is essential for building a healthy, morally sound society. The aim is to provide opportunities for personal development while ensuring that social and cultural practices align with ethical and religious principles.

Marriage and family life is a form of perfection that cannot be replaced by any other kind of perfection. Just as time has seasons, humans also have their own seasons, and marriage is a season of life. A person who has not married has lost a form of perfection and is incomplete in their thoughts and mental culture, just as someone with a physical disability is incomplete. Avoiding marriage leads to mental disability, provided there is no excuse or deficiency in other aspects of life or personal circumstances.

The scope of work and the type of activities for women should correspond with their temperamental and ethical characteristics. Women should not be assigned roles in society that display a redundant or degrading image of them, just as they should not have a broken or dictatorial image in the home. A woman in the home should preserve her feminine identity; although, she should not withhold any necessary support for her life.

In the division of tasks and duties, the primary responsibility of a woman, which facilitates the management of her impulses and desires, is to maintain her feminine identity and the excellence in her role as a wife. This duty should take precedence over all other matters. Just as a husband should not ignore his wife’s rights in his own affairs and should always consider them when making decisions, a husband’s problems should not be a cause for oppression or unreasonable demands on his wife, nor should he offload his burdens onto her. A wife’s excellence in fulfilling her marital duties and her obedience to her husband in wartime circumstances is akin to the hardship of jihad, as Imam Ali (AS) states: “The jihad of a woman is the goodness of her marriage.” [1]

We previously mentioned that due to various hardships in society, a man becomes highly vulnerable, and only his wife and partner can provide the strength to alleviate these difficult circumstances. However, this should not be an excuse for the man’s unreasonable expectations or oppressive behavior toward his wife. Therefore, the phrase “the jihad of a woman is the goodness of her marriage” signifies that the goodness of a wife and the nobility of a husband can create the conditions for a victorious life.

The pillars of family life and the home are generally built upon five foundations: the father, the mother, the child, the cooperation of the father with others, and the financial means.

The head of the household must possess the competence to manage and direct family life in order for it to be a place of peace and suitability. Marriage and family formation are a societal necessity, and managing them is another necessity.

In managing family life, it is essential to pay attention to balance and to safeguard the main areas of life, such as income and expenditure and increasing daily per capita resources. The reason for people’s needs is to preserve individual lives, and the foundation of family life rests on the health of men and women. The personal attributes of individuals, such as beauty, wealth, ethnicity, and family background, are among the advantages of individuals. A man must maintain dignity and respect in front of his wife and children to safeguard his family, and he must prioritize proper upbringing and healthy interactions. Islam provides comprehensive teachings in all aspects of life, including both general and specific guidance. By upholding the sacred laws and prioritizing religious practices, the best possible life can be achieved, although a detailed explanation of these matters is beyond the scope of this text. We have discussed household management principles in our book “The Knowledge of Life.”

Nevertheless, a woman should strive to maintain the perspective of religion and not let the cultural preferences or tastes of different ethnicities interfere with it, so that she avoids extremes and follows a path of moderation that leads to perfection and prevents injustice against women. Historical experience shows that women have been oppressed in various social periods, and their image in history is one of victimization. In every society, women have been exploited in some way and have not been recognized as individuals, being treated as objects, and subjected to the whims of governments and economic exploiters. Women have always been subjugated under unjust patriarchal systems, where their personalities have been diminished, and they have been used as instruments of men’s desires. In many societies and historical periods, women were treated as animals, used as captives or servants. Even today, women are trapped by disbelief in their own roles and are under the claws of oppressive forces. A humanity that does not acknowledge the personhood of women can hardly fulfill their rights. How can a society that views women as being in service to men understand their emotions? The crimes committed against women throughout history are too numerous to fully document, although some have been recorded.

The exploitation and enslavement of women in different societies continues under various pretexts. Sometimes, under the guise of protecting women, they are made submissive and enslaved. This occurs in both free societies and others, where money and power are used to control women. Only Islam has presented a complete model of the reality of women, and by understanding and following the clear guidance of Islam, the well-being of women can be assured, and they will receive their rightful rights. The Qur’an explicitly states: (We created you from male and female)[2] and (I do not waste the deeds of anyone among you, whether male or female)[3].

The Qur’an advises men to treat women with “ma’ruf” (kindness, fairness), saying: (And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them, according to what is reasonable, and men are a degree above them)[4].

The term “ma’ruf” in this verse refers to what is recognized by people as reasonable, something that human nature identifies as free of any distortion or deviation.

This word appears thirty-two times in the Qur’an, relating to following the right, advising the right, maintaining the right in divorce, speaking the right, socializing with the right, and commanding the right. All of these reflect real rights, natural truths, and uncorrupted, unbiased principles.

Based on this explanation, in Islam, everything that benefits or appears to disadvantage either women or men is balanced in a way that aligns with their true identities and positions of value. In every ruling, all the attributes and dimensions of men and women are considered and their respective contexts are taken into account.

Thus, the phrase: (And men have a degree above them) is an additional condition to the previous phrase: (And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them, according to what is reasonable). This clarifies that men and women have equal rights in all their matters, and the degree that men have over women is not an act of bias, but a reality in the context of duties, responsibilities, and leadership within the family and social spheres.

To understand this truth properly, we must address two misinterpretations: one is the claim that men and women are identical, which some people falsely and maliciously promote. They claim that there is no difference between men and women, even absurdly stating that women can make men pregnant or that men can bear children. Although such statements are irrational and should be ridiculed, similar ideas are often put forth by some people to advance their political or ideological agendas.

The second misinterpretation is the historical oppression and exploitation that women have faced from various cultures and civilizations. The history of humanity is ashamed of the mistreatment of women, whether from primitive tribes, pre-Islamic or post-Islamic communities, or even the modern age, which, despite its so-called advancements, continues to impose barbaric forms of oppression on women. Even in the past, some cultures treated marriage as the buying and selling of women and considered female obedience as an obligation. When a man died, his widow was often forced to either be burned alive with him or live the rest of her life in humiliation and isolation. Today, under the pretext of “freedom” and “progress,” women are still subjected to the exploitation of their bodies and minds, and their rights continue to be trampled.

Indeed, it is only Islam and the Qur’an that, with full dignity and justice, have provided clear and fair definitions of the rights and roles of all people, avoiding any form of deviation, excess, or imbalance.

In contrast, if a woman intends to deceive a man, she can entrap even a man who is an expert in deception. One scholar, who was compiling a book on “The Tricks of Women,” became ensnared by a woman who invited him to her home to reveal a trick. Shortly thereafter, the woman’s husband arrived and rang the doorbell. The woman said, “Your task is completed, and you have no chance to escape.” She locked him in a chest. The husband entered the house, and the woman laid out the meal, sitting with him to eat. She then claimed that a man had tried to harm her, so she had imprisoned him in the chest. The husband became furious, grabbed a knife, and took the key to open the chest and kill the man. The scholar, trapped inside the chest, had already resigned himself to his fate, when suddenly the woman said, “I’ve forgotten you.” It became apparent that the woman had made a pact with her husband, using this trick to deceive the scholar. She told her husband that everything she had said was a lie meant to extract money from him. The husband, now convinced, asked, “Where is the man?” She replied, “The chest is full of clothes.” The woman laughed, and the husband believed her, discarded the key, and went back to work. The woman opened the chest, found the scholar ruined, and said, “Write this in your book, but do not mention the condition my chest is in!”

Of course, some of this secrecy and lying may stem from fear of male oppression. A man who is harsh and controlling at home, exerting pressure on his wife and children, causes them to become secretive and deceitful. For example, if a man says, “I am the man of this house, and I don’t want you to go to your parents’ house,” the woman might reply, “Yes, sir,” but then secretly goes anyway. By being unnecessarily harsh, the man creates the very dishonesty and disarray in his family that he fears.

The Multiple Marriages of Men

The issue of polygamy, in the case of men, is not an obligatory matter but rather a permissible one. However, there are times when the lack of conditions makes it impermissible. Social necessity may sometimes require men to have multiple wives. In specific circumstances, such as during wartime when most men are killed and women remain, this practice may be beneficial to society and women. Even in regular times, it can help alleviate numerous obstacles. Today, human societies are paying the price for abandoning polygamy and not practising it in a healthy manner. The widespread corruption, immorality, and various crises afflicting societies are all consequences of the abandonment of this practice.

The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, exemplified all virtues and traits. His marriages, involving several wives, ranged from the best to the least favourable women, yet he treated them all appropriately. His relationships with his wives were not solely driven by desire, although desire was certainly not absent. His marriages were primarily moral, political, and social, with personal desires also playing a role. This approach demonstrates the Prophet’s robustness, chastity, and strength of character, as he was required to be a leader in every aspect, embodying the ideals of virtue and discipline.

A prophet who encourages chastity and health must also be exemplary in these areas. The Prophet’s ability to manage multiple wives within a confined space was more complex than governing a city. He successfully managed a diverse household that represented the diversity of his community. Each of his wives, in their differences, mirrored the various members of his followers, illustrating the community’s broad spectrum.

Loyalty and Marital Affection

A woman’s identity and essence are preserved through her loyalty to one man, her love for him, and the exclusive affection she offers him. A woman is only a woman in relation to the man she loves; if that bond is absent, she loses her feminine identity, and the term ‘woman’ ceases to apply to her. Islam forbids polyandry because a woman’s role and identity are intrinsically linked to a single man. As discussed in our book on marriage and spousal relationships, loyalty cannot be found through mere interactions or obligatory social encounters.

It is not uncommon for two people to live together for years without developing affection, particularly in modern times, where emotional detachment, industry, and technology dominate. Friendships or marriages cannot be judged solely by the time spent together; social obligations or artificial connections may complicate the true measure of love. Through subtle observations and private interactions, one can somewhat assess the affection between individuals, though these indicators are not always conclusive or verifiable.

Separation or distance often serves as the best indicator of genuine affection. If a person truly loves another, they will feel the pain of separation, will not be able to forget them, and will willingly endure the distance. Real love and affection become clear during times of separation. For those whose love is genuine, parting is an agonising experience, and the desire to reunite remains strong.

Understanding Women’s Love and Affection

Women’s love is often influenced by deep emotional attachments, but it is not something that can always be easily assumed. Often, women are conditioned through their upbringing to become more emotionally resilient, which can be misunderstood as a lack of loyalty. Moreover, women’s affections can vary based on individual character, upbringing, and societal influences. In marriages, understanding the true nature of a woman’s love requires careful observation of how she responds to challenges, how she handles difficulties, and whether she persists in the relationship despite adversities.

Marital affection is not only based on physical attraction but must also encompass emotional, intellectual, and spiritual dimensions to thrive. Each marriage is unique, and each individual’s motivations and affections may differ. Therefore, understanding a woman’s love, loyalty, and affection involves a broader examination of her character, her environment, and her personal history. Such affection, once based on mutual respect, shared experiences, and spiritual compatibility, is often the most enduring and resilient form of love.

A Wise Person Must Consider Two Important Matters in Life’s Path

A wise person must take into account two essential principles and truths in their life journey: the first is that they should not prioritize any attachment or affection towards things or objects, and view all that exists as subsidiary. They should not see anything as inherently important but instead observe all pleasures, joys, and goodness as transient, subject to creation and destruction. They should not exaggerate the difficulties and pains of life, nor should they regard any loss or shortage as permanent. In their eyes, the entire world, with all its beauty and ugliness, should be seen as fleeting. Throughout all aspects of life, they should recognize the world as a face of change, movement, and progress.

The second matter is that the individual should attach their heart to the Divine and consider eternity as their sole focus. They should live with constant reflection on the eternal, never spending a moment without contemplating the eternal truth, building their foundation upon the permanence of existence and the Divine. This love for the eternal, the genuine love for the Divine, should guide them in life, enriching them with joy and strength so that they may love their spouse and children in a true and lasting manner. They should become a committed and faithful companion. For a detailed discussion on this, we refer to our book, Marriage and the Art of Spousal Relations. The psychological discussion of women will be briefly addressed here, while a more detailed analysis is available in the book The Feminine Essence.

Chapter 2: The Paradise of Education

What is Education?

The term “education” comes from the verb “rabbā, yurbī,” which is derived from the three Arabic roots “r, b, b.” Education means “guiding something towards its perfection.” For example, when a seed is placed in suitable conditions to grow upward and blossom, this movement and guidance is the seed’s education—removing the stone over it so the seed can grow upward.

In a child, education means guiding them in the direction they naturally seek psychologically.

A child must understand the challenges of society and learn to endure hardships. They should observe both good and bad, and strive toward goodness. All of this is necessary for the child. They must know what the society is like, the dangers they face, and how to navigate the obstacles of life. They should understand why they must flee from the wolf, know who the wolf is, and who the shepherd is. Sheep know they must gather around the shepherd; but does the human child know how to distinguish between their own good and bad?

A child desires what is available in society, and the family prepares this for them. For example, a family that does not have a radio or television at home and confines the children to play indoors or in the yard will raise children who are just like them—100% like them, and whatever they desire, the child will also desire. In other words, the child’s desires will reflect those of the parents, and the child imitates their actions.

Education is when everything in the world falls silent, when the sound of waves is no longer heard and the radio silence reigns. This is divine education—a type of education that emanates from the essence of things and settles in the heart of a person. If someone witnesses this education, no external propaganda will affect them, and all things foreign to them will become irrelevant. In this education, all immoral films and misguided speech are transformed into genuine societal professions, and the person is educated and begins to reform their actions from that point onward.

Internal Prerequisites of Character Transformation

In changing one’s disposition, the path of intrinsic prerequisites plays its special role, and fate, luck, and chance should not be blamed for shortcomings. Likewise, the effectability of animals should not be equated with human growth. Those who focus on the training of animals and give up on humans by attributing their failures to chance are truly misguided.

Of course, human abilities and inner virtues vary in strength and weakness and are influenced by active and passive factors. These internal factors fall into three categories: harsh and coarse, soft and delicate, and moderate. As the Holy Quran says, (Then your hearts became hardened).

Simple Living

The responsibility for educating a child is shared between the wife and husband; however, in terms of management, it is the man who holds responsibility, while the woman plays the primary role in direct education. Household management is the woman’s responsibility. Her success in this area depends on avoiding unnecessary ceremonies and embracing simplicity as the foundation of all virtues. She should prioritize simple living over luxury because children grow best in a simple environment.

However, simple living should not conflict with cleanliness, health, safety, and meeting life’s necessities. Ensuring these needs is a fundamental duty.

Designing an Educational Model

Everyone knows the differences between the scholar and the ignorant, the blind and the seeing, the mature and the raw, the young and the old. Shouldn’t there be a difference between a father and a child? Who should establish this difference, and who should implement it? In this case, it is necessary to refer to religious scholars, as they are the measure and pioneers of society.

Incentive and Punishment

A person should show affection for the sake of God and punish for the sake of God. If a child does something right or follows the correct path, they should be shown affection. However, if this affection comes from selfish motives, and it is merely because the child is theirs, the person will have overstepped, showing excess affection without consideration. Excessive affection, like excessive punishment, has an adverse effect.

If a child commits an error or breaks something intentionally, or harms someone, the appropriate level of punishment should be applied, but only for the sake of teaching and correction. Overuse of punishment, like excessive affection, is counterproductive.

Severe Attachment of Children

Human vision is “seeing” with the eyes, while “filming” is done with a camera. Hearing by ear is termed “listening,” and recording by a device is termed “audio recording.” When a child is born, their ability to absorb images and sounds is incredibly strong, even in their sleep. Thus, what happens around them is captured in their consciousness. This strong grasp of sensory data means that even in their sleep, children absorb everything around them. This emphasizes the importance of creating a harmonious environment for children, as they are absorbing and processing everything at an intense level.

Authority in Education

Since everything has an opposite, the management of a household requires authority, but in a way that does not lead to tyranny or despotism.

Connected and Disconnected Attachments

People have different attachments and affections; some care for their wives and children, others for their parents, homes, or cars. These attachments shape their identities and influence their behavior. People identify with whatever they are most attached to, whether it is family, work, or possessions.

A scholar considers his books, notebook, and pen as part of his connected members, to the extent that if his child falls ill, he would not be as distressed as if his ink and pen were lost. On the other hand, some people are unconcerned if their mind is impaired or disrupted; what they regard as their connected members are their bath and ablution. There are those who focus on their own body, while some even consider their glassware as part of their connected members. If such an object breaks, it is as though their life has shattered, and they are overwhelmed with grief. However, they are not distressed by the illness of a friend. In short, everyone has a particular attachment to something.

Among all these attachments, the best are friends, relatives, and kin, who remain with a person even after death. They carry the memory of the individual in their minds and hearts for years. The bond with such people is far stronger than with objects or others. However, it is possible for a stranger to be closer to a person than a brother or a relative. The term “kin” refers to those who are by your side in both hardship and happiness.

Beyond this attachment lies detachment, which is superior to everything. If a person surrenders all to God and strengthens their heart, this is the best state. The ability to accept what God takes from them, and to calmly resolve any issues that arise, is vital. When the Shari’ah prescribes crying, one should cry, not because of personal sorrow but in accordance with divine command. For example, when losing a child, one should not be distressed because the child was a gift from God and is now returned to Him. The child was originally God’s and it is only natural to grieve as prescribed in the Shari’ah, as even the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) cried for the loss of his child.

The difficulties and tribulations of our time are undeniable, as it is the “End Times” and people across the world are ensnared by sin, making divine punishment inevitable. Trials may be connected or disconnected, and we can only seek refuge from connected afflictions by escaping those that are disconnected.

A disconnected affliction is one that does not directly affect the person or their loved ones but instead strikes objects in their environment—things with which they have little connection. Therefore, if a glass shatters, a shirt tears, or an item is damaged, it is preferable to a more severe affliction like a bone breaking, flesh tearing, or nerves being harmed. All such occurrences are trials, and one cannot avoid them.

However, the most severe trials are those that affect a person’s connected members—such as hands, feet, stomach, spouse, children, or relatives. When these members suffer, a person faces great loss, and no amount of money, friendship, or worldly possessions can rectify this.

If a person can detach their heart from all worldly attachments and surrender everything to the Divine, all trials will become disconnected for them. In this state, even physical suffering, social difficulties, or loss caused by others will not be regarded as connected afflictions because everything belongs to God, including oneself. In this way, no calamity truly harms them, as everything is surrendered to the Divine.

Education (Culture of Parenting)

The father teaches his child to speak through various methods, putting in considerable effort. The child learns words, and for example, says “daddy.” The child works hard, filled with love and effort, to learn the word. If the child makes a mistake, the father smiles, and if the child pronounces the word correctly, he moves on to teach another word.

According to the family’s knowledge and culture, the child grows. However, the child understands the referent of words in a certain context. Does the child comprehend the real-world referent of the words spoken by the father when they are outside the home? Never! The child can only understand the referents for which the family has assigned words.

When the child leaves the home and enters the public spaces, like streets, mosques, and schools, they begin to realise that the words their family has taught them correspond to the external world. When the child speaks to a friend and uses the words “father” and “mother,” the friend also recalls the words they have been taught. But since the two may speak different languages, they may not fully understand each other’s words.

Who, then, is the origin of the words for these meanings? If one consults the father and mother, we see that they have learned the words from their parents. When we hear these words from our parents, they make sense because we have been familiar with them for years. If we were to go two hundred years into the past and encounter our ancestors, their words would be unintelligible to us. Similarly, if we were to move to a different city or country, we might struggle to understand the speech of a neighbour with whom we had long familiarity.

Where do these words come from, and what is the true meaning behind them? Why have so many words been created? Why do even siblings in the same household use different words to refer to the same thing? A father might use one term while a mother uses another. Is the distinction in the words simply a difference in pronunciation, or is it a reflection of different meanings or concepts? What is the true nature of this phenomenon?

The reality is that a father instills specific words in his child’s mind, and as the child encounters others, they learn that the same word might have different meanings. For example, a word might take on various nuances depending on its context. Words multiply, and meanings sometimes change, leading the child to adapt.

The intentions of the father, mother, and other figures in the child’s life profoundly shape the child’s culture. Whether the words are used humorously or seriously, they have an impact. Similarly, the world functions in much the same way. The creator of the world has set the names for everything, and others learn and benefit from them.

If we turn to the teachings of Islam and the Holy Qur’an, we find that God has taught Adam all the names, and this divine act is a key to understanding the world. Others have followed suit, and thus, a person who understands and uses these words can navigate both the spiritual and worldly realms.

Education (Training the Child)

If one wishes to teach a child to speak without stuttering, the best way is to encourage them to sing. Teaching children to sing helps overcome speech impediments. A child who is not given the opportunity to speak by their parents will not only suffer emotionally but may also develop speech difficulties.

Children should be raised in a way that allows them to express themselves. Like the rule of the jungle, children must learn to defend themselves and stand up for others, while also being taught kindness, humility, and self-control. A child who is only taught to take blows without striking back will grow up with repressed emotions and issues.

The way boys and girls are raised differs, and their mischievousness is distinct. For example, if there is one boy, his mischief is limited to his own behaviour. However, if there are two boys, their mischief will multiply fourfold. Similarly, three boys will have nine times the mischief. This is not the case with girls, whose mischievousness does not follow such a pattern.

The Importance of Play in Childhood

If children are denied play for various reasons, they may grow up with repressed emotions that manifest in disruptive behaviour in adulthood. In fact, it should be stated clearly that everyone should play and engage in sports, but without crossing into inappropriate or disruptive behaviour.

The home should be a place of joy, where the father engages with his children. A father who is constantly absorbed in work and has little interaction with his children will have a strained relationship with them in the future. The emotional neglect that children experience at home often manifests later in life, shaping their relationships and behaviours.